My Quantum Leap
2016 was a big full year.....
In May I felt that life was shaking things up too much. I ended a relationship, was looking for a new home, and my family had a crisis that required almost immediate travel. I knew that old patterns were affecting my present relationships and ability to create what I wanted in my life. I was feeling overwhelmed.
My dear friend Heidi's response to it all was amazing. She said, "Bella, ya es tu tiempo de hacer un salto quantico." 'Lovely, now is your time to take a quantum leap.' (I highly recommend listening to her musical project - Kaleema.) She knows me well and could recognize that the convergence of all this discomfort and unease could either burn me out or help me explode into a new realm.
It's hard to describe how I approached my family differently but I looked for clues as to how to learn from the experience. I was determined to not allow myself to act in ways that would cause hurt or future mistrust between us. There were lots of moments when I felt incredulous, annoyed, sad, and worried. Whenever I could coax myself to do it I tried new ways of communicating with them. I could feel in my body when I was falling into old patterns because it felt 'easy' but trying new things felt scary and electric.
It helped to listen to Tara Brach and to do simple yoga poses that made my awareness creep out of my mind and into my body. It also helped to remember Buena Onda Yoga and the community that has been forming around the studio all these years. I'm grateful that my work connects me to people trying to cultivate kindness towards themselves and others. Thank you for being here, wherever here is. I want to connect with more of you in 2017, including those of you who no longer reside in Argentina. Write me anytime at [email protected], and if you want me to keep sharing my experiences or participate with your own, please let me know.
PS - it worked, I do feel I leapt into in a new realm. I'm planning new programs and a new way of running Buena Onda Yoga. I now live in a beautiful home, one of these San Telmo gems with gorgeous floors and high ceilings where we can do yoga and Jueves a la Mesa. I'm in another relationship that is loving and teaching me a lot. And I started communicating differently with my parents and my brother. Most importantly I feel more clear about what I am and am not responsible for or even capable of. I feel liberated and able to put less pressure on them, and therefore love comes easier. Sometimes things feel scary and electric but I'm trying not to let those sensations turn to worry or anxiety. It's a practice and a process.
Epsero que todos tengan amigos que sepan como ayudarlos hacer saltos quanticos. I hope for everyone to have friends who help them make quantum leaps. Feliz año nuevo!